Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
You need a sexual gate keeper
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
