i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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