just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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