His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
