i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
