I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
