the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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