I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
What drink are we having for lunch?
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I'm too high and old for this...
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Randomize
