i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
