You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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