Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
