chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
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