you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Randomize
