Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
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