you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I touched a dick in church today
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
