Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Randomize
