My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
