are you still at the devil's house?
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
