OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
I'm drive I can fine osifer
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
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How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
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What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
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