Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Randomize
