im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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