I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
