I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They are going to name an STD after you.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize