I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
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