That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
There r osticjed everywhere
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
last night I used snow as a chaser
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