i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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