My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
