i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
