That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
