While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
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