he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
