Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
