I heard we made out
just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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