I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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