Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
