he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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