At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
