those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
