i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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