Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Randomize
