the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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