I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
