once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
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