I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Randomize
