I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Randomize
