Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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