i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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