I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
