um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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