Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
