He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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