So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
