His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Randomize
