After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
