someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Randomize
