i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
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