i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
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