you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
