My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
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