There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
