Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
