i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
