So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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