Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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